Friday, December 30, 2011

In (Quick) Review

I will join the blog masses and do my version of an end-of-2011 recap. I should preface this post by saying, I'm sitting in a crowded coffee shop, with my Hillsong Pandora station blasting through my ear phones. I've been an emotional wreck this week, maybe it's hormonal, maybe I'm just processing though some things.

I don't have one single word to describe 2011, at least not right now I don't. We'll see how writing this post goes and maybe I'll come up with one.

January 1st 2011 I accomplished a major goal in my life by running a 5K. I wish I had sailed on my excitement and pride longer than that one night. Creating a lifestyle that needs working out is on my list for 2012.

The plague hit our house in January and we spent two weeks feeling crappy.

January we celebrated my sister's Associate degree and was the last time we saw my dad. Ever. Oh how many things I would have done differently had I only known.

February brought Valentine's day and a last-minute get away to Edgefield for massages and soaking in the hot tub while rain gently fell on our heads. We also celebrated my 26th with a lovely day together, just Ben and I.

March we celebrated my sweet husband with a party - I had food and drinks for 17 people, but only 3 showed. Oh well.

April was big and we decided to move from our lovely home to our new lovely home.

April also crashed our world down when we found out about my dad.

We simply survived in May. We celebrated my dad's life and grieved as a family. So bittersweet.

May marked 4 years for my sweet husband and me. Wow, where did the time go?

June was Hannah's graduation from MSU and a mini family reunion with Ben's family. We spent time in Bozeman and in Yellowstone. On this trip we had the best ice cream ever (homemade vanilla with hand picked blackberries blended in...oh my. I'm salivating). Ben's family rented a cabin just outside of Yellowstone and we enjoyed our time together with his aunt, uncle and grandmother.

July brought long, lazy days and a lot of unpacking, as well as a life change I've yet to reveal on this blog. We also tried to go backpacking but were waylaid with snow.

August was lovely and low-key.

September brought a new car and a California road trip and a few days spent in San Francisco, Sonoma and the Redwoods. I love road trips with my little family.

In October I got a glimpse of my dream by babysit my friend's daughter for 5 glorious days. How sweet it was to care for a precious babe for so many days. It did my heart good.

October also marked Ben's last show with Painted Grey.

I was so thankful in November. Thankful for our home, for our friends, for our health, for my family, for  a solid marriage, thankful for my job, even when it breaks my heart.

December has been bittersweet. We were so blessed with a cozy little Christmas, but I was very aware that my dad was not here to share it with us. When we went to Hallmark to pick out our ornament for the year (a tradition from my childhood I've adopted as ours as well), we couldn't figure out what best represented this past year. I had forgot. Forgot I lost my dad. Forgot the pain and emptiness. Forgot my siblings would not have their dad at their graduations, their weddings. Forgot there would be a grandfather my children would never meet. Forgot. Then, like a ton of bricks, it hit me. We choose an ornament about remembering.

It may sound harsh to say I forgot about my dad, because of course, I never forget, but sometimes, my mind blocks it out. It's funny how life just goes on. The next day comes and has expectations for you. You cope and adjust your life in order to keep going. You just gotta keep going. I was talking with my mom this morning and she echoed my feelings of how sometimes, without warning, the grief and sadness comes flooding back. But you know what, we have to embrace it. These feelings of missing the ones we love honor their memory. Learning how to make a path around this roadblock is a testament to the love we feel for them. And as my mom said, it's a blessing that my dad was someone worth missing, because he so is.

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