Friday, April 13, 2012

Not a Housewife

Wow, I haven't posted in a long time...again!

I should give a brief update: we're still gluten free, mostly. We like to call ourselves "Gluten Light" meaning, we'll indulge in what we want when we're out and if it's worth it, but at home, we try to be as organic, gluten-free and whole as possible. I should confess however, that I splurged with a package of flour tortillas this week because I just couldn't get the thought of a fried egg, bacon and avocado burrito out of my mind. When I finally made it, it was just what I needed. We're both still working a lot (always), and cherishing our days at home when we are both here together - sometimes they seem few and too far between. We started P90X, but quickly fell off that crazy train. Ha! We will pick it up again soon though, maybe next week ;)

I'm currently on boiling-bean watch as I attempt to cook my very first dried beans. I didn't start thinking about what to make for dinner until this morning, meaning I couldn't soak my beans overnight, so I googled a quick soak method and I'm trying that. We'll see how it works!

I started reflecting on my life today, as I was cleaning the leaves off my mint (another first for dinner tonight) and the sweet, crisp smell of spearmint brought me back to the first time Ben and I discovered our beloved Alder Springs, our own little desert paradise where tall stalks of spearmint flood the banks of the river surrounding our favorite campsite. I let the sun settle on my shoulders and I thought for the millionth time how much I love my life. This isn't what I pictured necessarily, but it's stinkin' good.

I've battled some inner issues the past month or so, mostly related to my job as a housewife. I feel so inadequate at keeping my home. I let things like dusty baseboards (did you know you have to clean those things???) eat away at my feeling of worth and make me feel guilty for not doing more around my home. I know there is dust behind my couch, and I'm sure my windows need a good cleaning, oh, and good gracious, don't even get me started on laundry! - a good housewife would take care of that! I'm failing at being a housewife. I should be better, I think.

Thoughts like this started to flood my mind, until I realized: I AM NOT A HOUSEWIFE. As much as I think that I should be, or as much as I want to be, I am not (primarily) a keeper of my home. During this season of our life, the responsibilities of the home are shared and I have to let go thoughts of a daily chore list. I can't let the crumbs I can see under the oven when I duck down really low make me feel like less of a woman or a bad wife. Some people may think I'm crazy for these thoughts, but the picture of me making my home a warm, inviting, tidy place to welcome my husband into after a long day of work has been in my mind for a long time.

The fact of the matter is: our home is a warm, inviting, slightly-less-than-tidy place for us BOTH to come home to. Yes, I have more than three loads of clothes waiting to be folded, but that's ok. I don't spend my days tackling items off a never-ending To-Do list, I spend twelve long hours at the hospital doing my best to take care of little precious beings. Someday keeping my home and tending to my own sweet babies will fill my days, but today, my job is to provide care and tend to someone else's sweet baby. To make sure they are safe, pain is controlled, antibiotics are given and butts are clean. To make sure pink bows are secured into fuzzy hair before a big, scary surgery. Right now, that job is important. Every day I am a part of every parent's worst nightmare, and my task is to do everything I can to make it a little easier. That's a pretty special job, I'd say.

Today, I may not be a housewife, but I'm a nurse, and I'm very OK with that.